Walking the path!

Walking any path can be difficult in three circumstances, if you don’t know how to walk, if the road is entirely not walk-able(either your senses makes your body run towards the pleasures in the path or there is some unavoidable blockage) or if you are too lazy to walk. I have no idea how many paths are available in this world to walk but my understanding says there is only one spiritual path which makes you “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”. Hey, I don’t mean you start aging backwards and end up in an orgasam. Unfortunately, that's not going to happen but yes chances are very high that while walking down the path you will become a child and if things get better, your-self will grace you with the glance of itself. Amazing No!   

The path which a spiritual person walks is slant and full of soap lather. Irrespective of the fact that whether you are walking slow or fast, chances are very high that you came back to the place from where you have started off in no point of time, if not careful or for the matter of fact even if you are careful you are bound to fall, yeah now dont fret or fume that's the tacit way of saying eeehawww from the nature. The question here is how to get rid of this merry-go-round. Let me be very frank there is no way out, but Grace. We all should remember that It’s the self which has chosen you for the path and it is up to the self to decide whether to reveal itself or not. So, take a chill pill baby as nothing is in your control. Now you can argue that what’s the point of walking the path and I'm sure we all 'pathwalkers' have heard of the example where a person after 5-10-20 years of outlandish spiritual practice left the path or gets diverted from the path. I believe those people were suppose to walk only that much, maybe some important job (may be sex or murder or collecting gold coins) were left for them and they have to carry those impressions for a more meaningful next life. If they got diverted it simply means their priority changed, or maybe they got bored or maybe they were very sure about the self customized power of some invisible force and when one string got pulled Spirituality ki "Ram Naam Satya Hai"(In Hinduism when a person die, the other soon to die living people remember and chant Ram's name and announce to the world that that's the Ram's name is the sole truth, Funny! Is it not?), Poor Puppets. And to answer the question of what’s point of walking the path. This path leads to nowhere but yourself, so what’s point in walking? you have got legs and you have to walk, You dont have any option but to procastinate. Please don’t over think much on this.

The major problem with 99% of the spiritual seekers is the fact that they are Hypocrite. Blessed are the ones who know they are hypocrites, because we have the tendency to defend every act of ours with our intellect and unfortunately most of us do that and refuse to accept the fact that we are hypocrite. Those who know they are hypocrites and still some false sense of the belief is there that somehow they are going to cross this cesspit sea (read Bhavnagar here) are the real folks who live in disillusion. May be nature in preparing for one more final life, of-course once their most precious temple i.e. body is bombed. Actually, Its kinda cool; for example: To continuously preach about the EGO and getting uncomfortable with every situation and everyone. And those who know they are hypocrite, continuously aware about their hypocrisy and still they are walking the path surrendering their hypocrisy to the self who brought him/her onto the path and are nothing but blessed.

Often when we look at any Sangha(Spiritual Institution) and think about the stupidity/hypocrisy of the sanghis (people of the sangha) it makes us feel sad and we start wondering how could this person can walk the path and be dearest to the head of Institution. Let me tell you these people are much better in the institution, if they are in outside world just imagine how brutally they will be engaged in making other’s life miserable. So these people are especially taken care of in every institution to serve two purposes; first, to create illusion and second to save the world.  The key here don’t pay heed to these people because of three reasons, one: they are meant to make your life miserable, second: they are helping you to know at their cost that what the world and meaning of spirituality will be if you inherit traits of theirs and third: believe me at a level where there is no two, there is no difference between you and that idol of inanity.

So the question arises here is whether one should walk on the spiritual path or not. I will say Yes! walk the path because you don't have any option and walk it for fun not to achieve a goal because that’s going to disappoint you, I believe if you set a goal you will never be able to achieve it and even if somehow against all the odds you achieve it, believe me there is nothing out there but you. Always remember the path may make you miserable, your faith will shake thousands of time, you may become the greatest hypocrite ever but keep walking with full awareness because it’s the only path which makes you happy without any reason and you will continuously be in touch with your very existence. i.e LOVE! 

The Dilemma

This is coming only because of the fact that last evening a colleague who is from a literature background had praised my writing skills. Had I not been associated with a guru I would have named the title as "The prisoner's Dilemma". But they say take it for granted that you are free when you are with a guru. If I am free the there should not be any dilemma and id I am in dilemma it is quite evident that I'm not free. This is catch 22.

I have always been a not so normal person with heart of a drunk and a kid. A year before I desperately used to defy and deceive that childish behaviour of mine which later I was told from my friend that it comes out with a bang everytime I was drunk. Today, the situation is such that without drinking or anything most of the times I'm high and the child is there but this time the childishness is replaced by child like. Being a child like is good because you dont live without any apprehension. But, it has its own course of action.

It's been a couple of days Since I'm having such weird feeling. The day my senior told me to start looking for another job It scared the hell our of me. I'm not scared because I would leave this job. Because to be frank this job is bit boring. I'm scared beacuse things might happen that I would have to leave some friends like Nishit and Tanya. As I am writing this line I simply can't explain the suffocation which is there inside me. Something is there which comes out in the form of tears. An hour before I was simply unable to resist my tears (though I did because I was in cafeteria. Every time it happens there. Oh Boy!). Why because Nishit is supposed to take his first happiness course. When Asked a friend about it she (you know who!) said "what help? Its nice to be happy in others happiness." Little did I knew that being emotional and crying without any reason is a sign of happiness. Anyway but that is not the point. The point is the love which takes its form because it is already there. May be when guruji says "It doesnt matter to whom you love..". I think this dilemma made me learn a valuable lesson today that Love is something which I am made up of and irrespective of person place and things, its probability of coming out depends on the recognition of the depth of the love.

Chalo thik hai!

The Lid and the Lunchbox - Doctrines Vs Child

I don't know why but I think I should write this:

Just Now I saw Sundar, a colleague of mine cleaning his Lunch box and right on the table there was a shiny steel cover of that box which was dirty few minutes ago. Guess who had enlightened that lid of the lunch box - Me!

Well, after the "Yoga Neendra" when I resumed my chair to do some work, Sundar offered me some of the pomegranate seeds & green grams. Initially I thought should out-rightly reject his proposition as I was full but then I felt it would be weird to reject the kind of love which an another reflection of yours wants to share it with you (Heavy advaita words! Is it not). Respecting his offering I said "yes!", and took few of the seeds. After a while I finished the same and got too busy with my work. Meanwhile, I forgot to clean that Lunch box lid. Then after an hour or so Sundar came and said "give me the lid". I said "no, it is my duty to clean it up because I was the reason of the leftovers inside that lid." After initial moral-friendship persuasion,  sundar left the box on the table and left for some work. I picked the lid and saw the box, someone inside me said that take the box with you as well, but I didn't. Not sure whether it was my ego or I was being too practical which made me not to touch the box in which sundar ate. I went to the washroom and cleaned the lid and make it shiny and put it next to the dirty box.

As I saw Sundar cleaning the box and I thought "Why the hell I didn't cleaned the box?".  And the every present guilt consciousness nibbled me gently but fortunately I got over it soon. There are few points to take into consideration.

1. The fact that I don't wanted to be an externality on sundar. I was having this Swami Vivekananda Type of belief that "If you have disheveled something it is you who is supposed to clean it up". But what about others dirt, whose responsibility is to clean it up??

 2. If I was at sundar's place, at the time of cleaning the Lunch box I would be very disappointing over the way I had been behaved. Was it the correct way to behave?

3. What about the Love and the Adavita (the one) philosophy which I always believed. Where did it went all of a sudden when the actual time came to implement it.

If someone is reading this I am damn sure s/he must be thinking that what kind of ass has written it. For objectivist, what I did was more than correct because this is the way one should behave. For Idealist It was indeed a great act to clean your mess of your own. But what about a kid who is there inside all the time, crying not because he wants to dissociate himself from the good old rock solid doctrines or so called principles but because he don't want his share of LOVE to compromise in the name of Principles.

Maybe Bharti Ma'am (My Boss at ILO) is right when she says "Just do what you love to and don't be football of others opinion".

Maybe I can feel these all unimportant things because of the increased "AWARENESS" 

"Crafting an Effective Writer: Tools of the Trade" - My final Paragraph Assessment Detail

Your grade is 88, which is simply the grade you received from your peers. See below for details.

Topic #3

Identify and describe at least three (3) ways a person, male and/or female, is recognized as an adult in your culture.

Adult in any society is recognized primarily by his biological and legal characterization, but in India, a land of diverse and ancient culture, adulthood primarily deals with maturity. An adult is someone who knows the art of living. According to many ancient book of oriental wisdom, an adult(man/woman) is recognized by three ways viz. thought, deeds and voice.

The most easiest way to recognize an adult is through his voice, because it is the easiest projection of one's self. There are three types of voice viz. soft, harsh and normal. Soft and harsh voice are at extremes, while those having soft voice could be recognized as an adult depending on its gravity, people having harsh voice are often not treated as adults because it signifies lack of maturity. As far as normal voice is concerned it lies somewhere in between soft and harsh voice. The voice which hurts nobody is a normal voice. Those who know when to modulate their tone according to the circumstances keeping in view of thers feelings are generally recognized as adult. 

Second most important trait of a man is his deeds or Karma. Deeds are often bifurcated as good deed or bad deed. Philosophically speaking, it is very difficult to bifurcate between a good deed or a bad deed. Depending on the viewpoint, good deed can be bad deed for some one and vice-versa is always true. Good deed is something whose repercussions doesn't harm anyone and bad deed is something whose repercussions always harm someone. Those persons who continuously strive to do good are considered as adults.

Thirdly, the most complex one, thought. Thought is something which determines the genuinity of a person. A good thought can never harm someone and is never against someone, that's according to Mahatma Gandhi is true form of non violence. A person having good thought is indubitably an adult because it is reflected by his behavior and all the above two, voice and deeds respectively are automatically the highest. As far as bad thought is concerned, it is related to immature person who lacks true wisdom, he/she may be biologically or legally adult but in his own just eyes he is never an adult. The good thought and bad thought can be considered as selfless thought and selfish thought respectively, and orient culture never acknowledges a selfish person an adult.

The person, be it male or female, whose voice, deed and thought are good, that person in real sense is an adult. In true sense adult is someone who is wise enough to check his thoughts, just enough to check his deeds, rational enough to control his voice and enlightened enough to know the art of living.

Evaluation/feedback on the above work

Note: this section can only be filled out during the evaluation phase.

Addresses Assignment:

Score from your peers: 10

Topic Sentence:

Score from your peers: 10

Organization:

Score from your peers: 5

Unity:

Score from your peers: 5

Transitions:

Score from your peers: 5

Specific Details:

Score from your peers: 10

Concluding Sentence:

Score from your peers: 10

Sentence Variety:

Score from your peers: 10

Style:

Score from your peers: 10

Spelling/Homophones:

Score from your peers: 4

Verb Forms:

Score from your peers: 4

Capitalization:

Score from your peers: 3

Punctuation:

Score from your peers: 2

Overall evaluation/feedback

peer 1 → i am also an indian and i loved reading it.

peer 2 → The paragraphs convey a lot of great ideas. It is indeed a very well-written article, if I may call it so. All that is missing, are a few finishing touches here and there. Otherwise, great work!

peer 3 → My friend, this is really an eye-opening writing; I'm deeply impressed by the India version of "what being an adult mean", you are a people of great wisdom and benevolence. Besides, I would like to inform you that your writing is in want of conjunctions and pronouns in certain places.

peer 4 → The phrase " that's according to Mahatma Gandhi is true form of non violence" it is either " that's according to Mahatma Gandhi it is the true form of non violence" or " that's according to Mahatma Gandhi it is a true form of non violence". The phrase "The most easiest to recognize an adult" is grammatically incorrect it is either "The most easier" or "The easiest".

sick wish !

Whenever m sick (wait a second! For my intelligent readers lemme clarify that this sick is not a figure of speech its literally) and vulnerable I have this very thought of unraveling the mystery of life after death, so I pray to god that make this day my day of Armageddon or in less easy words hit me baby one last time aka kill me!! But deep down inside I know god, if he exists, has got better things to do than to hear my Sick(both literally and figuratively) wish !!

So I was having this uncanny thought at 10 p.m and was also felling bit sleepy, all of a sudden one more thought came. When I was in class eight, there was a boy named Shantanu moitra who eventually used to be my best friend, the only paradox is I never have meet him ever since. I thought, yaar what if tonight god has got nothing serious to do and he mistakenly paid undesirable heed to my plead, mera tooh kahani khatam. So I opened my lappie and start searching the aforementioned person one last time, guess what i was lucky to find him. I then send a friend request to him and within 5 mins he accepted that. cool is it not ! I thought yaar gajab ho gaya, its been a while (12yrs to be exact) since I had heard of him and all of a sudden he is here ready to chat. Great !!

We chatted like old lost friend, exchanged sweet memories with our contacts number. He told me that his father once again got transferred to Jamui and right now he is in the same apartment where he used to live 12 yrs back, I was very happie to hear that. When i queried about his mom and dad, he told me that they are on tour and they will be arriving not before tomorrow noon. He then told me that's the reason he can stay online as long as he wanted to, because his parents were away and he had the house to himself. We stayed there for a few hours exchanging sweet memories. Soon enough, my mum began calling out for me to go to sleep. As I was about to log off, I asked Shantanu what he was doing tomorrow, thinking he might want to stop by my place and have some nice time. He didn't reply for a while, in his chat box i was seeeing this message

“Shantanu is typing a message." Then it went blank.

“Shantanu is typing a message.” Nothing again.

I thought leave it I’m going to bed, tomorrow we will talk about it. It was strange for him to stop replying like that.

Next day when I logged on to facebook chat I saw his green light was on. He apologized for not replying last night and said he had just been busy. He asked whether I was alone in my house. I said yes! He then told me that he wanted to come over soon to meet me as he had something really important to show me, and he said he would come over soon, saying it was urgent, and then logged straight off, this increased my curiosity.

I was waiting for Shantanu when my land line rang. I got amazed to hear shantanu's dad's voice on the other end of line and i thought "wow yaar he still remember our land line number". But they were sounding bit worried as he was not in home and they thought the only person he knew in this town is me. They asked if I knew anything on Shantanu's whereabouts, to which I told them not to worry, because he was in fact on his way over my house. The phone fell silent for a moment until I heard a deathly scream from his mother in the background on the other end of the line. The father drew a deep breath, and shouted. “ Shantanu's here… He’s dead.” They had found Shantanu's lifeless body hung up on the fan in his room. I ended the call in shock, as it became apparent why he had asked if I would be home alone. All of a  sudden I heard the door creak open.

I was scared like anything so i quickly led under my bed to hide. I heard the sound of footsteps coming closer, ever so slowly. I dared not to open my eyes, but when I horrendously peaked through my fingers, I saw these pale yellow, cold, bare feet coming in to my room, almost in slow motion. I would hate to see the person such feet belonged to. As it slowly approached the bed, my heart was pounding in my mouth and I held my breath. The whole room was filled with fetid smell of a rotten dead body. Just when I couldn't possibly get any more scared, my phone let off a loud tone of a howl of a hound to notify me that I had received a message. It was from Shantanu's phone and read: “Where are you pal ...its been a while, (to be exact 12 years) i have got something very Important to tell you ?” as the feet stopped precipitously, lifeless in their foot-mark, I was half dead by then.

I was very sure that this very moment was to take among the few breaths I have left in me. All of a sudden every thing became very clear to my agnostic mind as it was confirmed that god/ghost do exists and finally he made my sick wish the biggest or say the worst and perhaps the last nightmare of my life. I was too scared to scream. Then I heard another loud knock on my door I was scared like anything thinking whether my all lost friends are dead and this time they wanted me to be the same. The rate of knocking was directly proportional to the pounding rate of my heart. When I heard the sound it was of my mother. I got so scared on the thought that this ghost of the best friend turn ghost Shantanu will definitely kill my entire family, at-least I can tell her to run away. I gathered all the available courage and opened my eyes, an found myself lying on the keyboard of my laptop, knocking continued, and me drenched with sweat thinking about my Sick Wish...!!!

When something new is born

The benign rumble is curling everywhere, and here is desperation for noise,
With holding the breath i have waited, in patience held poise.
like the acoustic lives within silence, silences we ought to rend,
just because it did start, every song is supposed to end.

Just like when something new is born, its end is made already,
Somehow we will be able to get it done, it will always be undone ultimately.
When every afflatus thrives on skeptics, skeptics to then suspend,
Nonetheless it might actualize, every new thing is realized in its end.

Beads of sweat shining against skin, vigor pulled tight,
End at a length of bandeau, arise at the gun-shot.
Nothing can start without its finish, finishes we forever procrastinate,
That it could not quite begin, every race was to unless terminate.

Skin shattering against skin , grip meets face in rose mayhem,
Men and their means changed, but fights remain the same.
For every push there is a pull, pulls to otherwise pretend,
Surer than it must begin, every fight must come to an end.

loose control..

All of a sudden i rouse in pain
high was the hangover mixed with shame
relieving was the darkness; indeed my best friend
was thinking hard why my mind played that game.

Can't remember the no. of pegs i took
seemed was drinking in hopes of falling in coma,
my false identity was in its pristine form
it make my emotions cry and mind did all this drama.

Something was rushing inside my veins
don't know how but was increasing the pain,
desperate efforts to concentrate was in vain
connection with mind was lost and i can not sustain.

Don't know from where recognized a hand
was similar to the person who died couple of years back,
it was the perfect time to loose the heart-mind strand
fake feeling of love and emotions did the rest

This was the second time i lost control due to this
gained consciousness when my heart asked whom am i cheating,
the person u are taking about hated booze like anything
and remembering him when ur head is inside bottle is sacrilegious.

Feeling of shame was not because of the defamation
itz becoz all these thoughts rushing through my head,
flaunting fake emotions was false identity's creation
flouting my most sacred relation was making me dead.

Don't know what should i do to make it go away
it is haunting my mind every second of the day,
Last Night was alone in a room of people having fiesta
today in chaos while sitting in a room hunting for siesta.

What had happened to me where is the connoisseur
all is left is an inane dilettante,
hope one day the drunk inside me will let me out
for sure never again will I drink and shout,
Until that time I will asphyxiate and hate
what i can do is just hope that's not my final fate.

Good bye.... :(

I want things to stay the same
but hands are cuffed by this inevitable change
emotions are running through my head
I found myself wishing I was dead

Its inevitable to say good bye
but the stupid heart makes me cry
the rocking 2 years comes to an end
seems days passed like speed of wind

Though time we spent together was very little
but my love for u all may never dwindle
feeling helpless and scared of being alone
coz magic of togetherness can never be felt on phone

Now all the pranks are coming my way
getting teased by friends every single day
that books a huge place inside my heart
no one can take this feeling apart

Will cherish those moments when we were good and bad
can never forget when we were happie and sad
but remembering those days eyes would loose tears
can never assemble together for tea is all what fears

Time force me to pack my dreams
doesn't matter yaar but heart screams
don't know why i am like this
but the moments we shared will surely be missed

On convocation dont get amazaed I may look fine,
But every time you turn away I will cry.
Leaving this place is something I could never do
but its a promise that I would never forget any of u... :'(

When your heart starts babbling

Heart is a mysterious organ u never really know whats going in there, the only signal it gives u is by beating inside, still its the most inscrutable in fact screwed (pardon my language but get used to it) organ like for example when u go to a bookstore and see a pretty girl, reading your favorite novel, whistling the song which has been stuck in your mind for the entire week and you think wooow hey may be she is the one; your heart forgets beating but then all of a sudden your eyes meet and that's it; your mind starts beating your heart which actually from nowhere starts beating inside your cage and i think ur mind zooms inside that cage and thats the reason why you aren't able to wander it...hold on a second, just because of your heart u think this it u are in deep shit (sorry read love here) if it is then it sucks you can'ot tell a woman u just met u love her but it sucks u can't!!

Every now and then people tells u abt other's heart, its like they have a degree in cardiology. Frequently they say "his heart is is nice", does it makes sense?? sometimes you think it does but sometimes yeah it does ..!!coz irrespective of all eccentric things you are fond of, people say the same for you(weird but true). Now a question arises here, if your heart is nice how it permits you to practice nefarious activities with someone upon someone; the moment this thought comes in your mind it makes you feel naah mind does all those stuffs, how can a pumper is able to act like this (if the only job of heart is pumping then for sure it is not responsible for all those deep shit activities, if u know what i mean). Anyways, the point is if a person is a sweet heart it does not mean his/her heart is sweet because believe me once my middle finger got cut and i had to put it in my mouth believe me the blood taste like...i seriously don't remember its taste but definitely not sweet. So, if the blood which is there in the veins/artery/capillary/whatever of your middle finger tastes like abcd then definitely it is not reaching inside your heart for pumping purpose coz heart is alwayz sweet(next time ll cut my ring finger coz they say there is some sort of connection with heart); is it not sweet heart(atleast i can solace you by this for taking all the pains for reading this weird stuff). May be some vampire would appropriately tell u about this coz u kno they are all into this business of blood sucking and the best part if u have to kill them then u have to poke their heart with a silver knife. If the heart is sweet then this analogy suggests vampires are among the sweetest persons ever known, and for sure Stephenie Meyer was the first to unravel this riddle and after that she wrote the entire saga which is known as Twilight.

If you are single and just crossed 24 then my dear friend it does not mean you are not romantic or having a cold heart. Every-time you see a couple your heart thinks (heart thinks!!!), every1 else is falling in love acting stupid and goofy and sweet and insane but mot me, why don't i want that anymore i want to want that; m i wired wrong or something, i am a cold person. When this situation arises there is a subconscious mind (why there is alwayz subconscious mind not subconscious heart) which desperately wants to tell you that you are a douche, you are a bloody mammal and mammals are warm blooded how can you be a cold person. The greatest thing about this subconscious mind is its inability to communicate directly with your heart, but heart has its own way of thinking and this process results in loneliness which is often misunderstood by some morons as solitude, but the best part is it often gives you self confidence that one day u gonna met a girl who is gonna wanna make u look like a complete idiot, she is out there some where and she is so nice rather i should say a sweet heart that universe wants you to remain single(read looser here) unless u met her and when you would met her your heart would definitely shout eureka "She is the one"..!!

Inside the chamber

There was a boy who had a small wish
"it was just to study in XISS"
and guess what, his wish came true
he was easily able to get through

the dayz passed very fast more or less like a wind
vry few months were left as two years were going to an end
Sniffed the scariness which was there in the environment
time to tight his buckle up because season is of placements

Inside the chamber every-time he went benumbed
knew all the answers still he prattled
his heart started beating like a drum,
tried hard to pray, but words won't come.

Rejection increased his frustration
his heart cried hard to relieve the tension
all of a sudden came a wind and kissed his head and said
Do not run away, tomorrow is a new day...

She said, do not think of what you failed to do
think of those that you were able to do and can still best do
do not think of those silly mistakes committed in the interview
always count the things you perfectly can do

dare to blame luck for things you miss
learn from things in which you have been remiss
never condemn anything when it is at its worst
think of the times when it was at its best

he looked around and found the sun begins to rise
and a new hope is born within his tired eyes
just then a rainbow formed among his tears
when he realized his faith is stronger than his fears...

Cracked the interview in next sitting
was satisfied like anything
now he understood the abstruse yet easiest arcane
Have faith and the half of the job is done....

.......first of all decide what you want next thing is believe you can have it have a staunch belief that you deserve it and believe it's possible for you. Practice the art of visualization for several minutes every day, and visualize having what you already want, feel that you already have it. Now start your day focusing on what you're grateful for already, and enjoy it. Thank whatever you have because many people does not have that also. Then release it to the god or whomsoever u love with a faith that its their duty to manifest it and believe me they will...........

My suicide poem

Dear pals

This is 1st draft of my 1st suicide poem. 'Poem...!!' you people might be wondering that people generally write suicide letters and some of them didn't even bother to write anything. My rationale is, extremely frustrated people never write letters because they are in hurry to launch themselves, skeptics use to write letter because they have a valid reason to say goode bie world but in the back of their mind they know that anytime they can quit the idea of quitting, now u can easily understand psyche of those who write poem......:)


What's life
believers get everything they want
there is nothing a non believer can't
emotions are of no use these days
wits plays it with its own ways
doesnt mean that it makes me acrid
coz I can also make any1 morbid
yes! everything in my life is same
got nothing to do and has no1 to blame

What's life
brought up by loving parents
toddler thought evrything is love
extremely religious family made him an atheist
surprisingly every1 accepted that new beast
the bottle he was imbibed in was full of love
before his social birth toddler got wings of dove
now! everything in my life is same
got nothing to do and have no1 to blame

What's life
astonished by all those experiments i did
guitar, books, pics, minds...all those were splendid
brunt my hands with every thing still feels maniac
somehow it didn't hurt yet scar looks beatific
made me jack of all trades but master of none
its satisfying somehow coz every pain has gone
now! everything in my life is same
got nothing to do and have no1 to blame

What's life
Exploration propels me to try everything
enthusiasm alwayz high irrespective of broken wings
dont know why i love the smell which i hate
drink plenty of liquid without any taste
yeah i love when it swings my head
still the aftermath didnt make my soul dead
now! everything in my life is same
got nothing to do and have no1 to blame

What's life
faced lots of ups and down in my life
lots of rejection in search of a wife
world turned my veracity into voracity
mastered art of deluding identity
but forgot to impious my emotions
this sublimity subverted my actions
now! everything in my life is same
got nothing to do and have no1 to blame

What's life
purpose of the entire study is over now
the job which i had always dreamt got it some how
after a while evrything is gonna boring i know
i can feel the shivers down my spine from now
those fights with friends will be surely missed
when the butterfly of death will be kissed
see! everything in my life is same
got nothing to do and have no1 to blame....


I believe myself to be completely normal and there are some vry simple reasons lay behind my decision to die. One of them is everything in my life is same and i will gain nothing if i continue to live onn only suffering will be increased. so. i think i should die because ultimately the major purpose of the people especially singles is to get out of this chaotic hell.......

an asylum

Captivated by the garden, sniffed the redolence
exquisite it feels still quietness scream
mesmerized by the serene ambiance
perplexed when thought this is an asylum

Saw a person with face pale and eyes bewildered
felt pity on him was able to empathize
green empty bench was the place where we settled
"Why you are here?" was what i catechize

Astonishingly he replied "that's indecorous
but still will give you the answer"
'Am I a mad' i thought and was sacrilegious,
ashamed on being called as a foster

His Father wanted him to be his own copy of xerox
His Mother would have him the image of her father
His Brother wants a athlete, what a paradox
His Sister thinks his husband is a perfect example

Be it teachers, professors or friends every1
wants to have him as their reflection
of his own face in the mirror
and it does nothing but adds his perplexion

Therefore he came to this place
finds more sane here out of the world
atleast he can be himself and can find solace
far from the civilized world

All of a sudden he asked
'what propelled you to this place?'
was this due to education or u being good nurtured
i replied 'No i am a visitor searching solace'

The last reply made me numb
blocked my thoughts which always stands tall
"Oh you live in the biggest sanitarium
which is on the other side of the wall"

Juggling thoughts...

Thought, some pals call me insane
cacophonous but a lovely heart having lots of shades
psycho is my personality but acts inane
and for me! m searching myself since years

Clear is my thought which can roam in dark
which loves to play games with different mind
perplexed when i read them saw lots of life cut marks
with fists starts bleeding and can feel same inside

Juggling books on one hand a pen on the other
a heavy bag to add to the burden
running helter-skelter, chasing an unknown treasure
i started seeking love and affection

lots of friend but no1 is mine
everyone seems special and for me is dear
blurts their heart but eyes are mine
still searching for the heart where everything is clear

ooo shit! i don't join the madness again
sat down on the empty marine-drive of XISS
amazed when saw evrything constantly run
like a hamster in a wheel, trying to live a life


Smiled, all of a sudden got each and every answers
brain clicked not-even 3 months left, and the kiddy heart blurts a story
see moment is passing and will not lasts forever
so make a memory which nvr lasts with ur nice pair of eyes and a bad memory

Oh Girl.....

Her elegance is like shimmering night,
as the night pass it makes moon scream
Effect of her hallow makes everything bright,
Those flickering light propels her in my dream

Every morning as sun kisses her feet,
like an exquisiteness of the wine
When ever the rays and her beauty meet,
make my heart glow on thought tht she is mine

Every time I look into her eyes,
serenity captivates and makes me numb
The so called level falls from the skies,
blocking the senses making it dumb

Mole above the lips, delicacy of her brow,
It's Soft, it's placid still its eloquent
The smiles that wins any heart and makes it glow,
a nice doll whose love is innocent

Something is there which is shoving my ears,
alarms me as that cacophonous scream
Now it seems everything is clear,
time to go for college, thats end of my DREAM...!!

Redemption 1.0

It is just a reflection of my perplexion
like an occult of past, hovering around
still having staunch belief of my redemption
and my mind starts arguing on weird ground

Mind, o mind evertime i try to tame u
ur behavoiur becomes bit uncanny
u ruin urself by ur own thoughts though
makes me feel that somewhere i had lost my identity

Identity,o identity searched u in d bottle of colours
everytime i took a dip, i got lost
exasperation surrendered found addition of new gloss
result took time leads to frustration as a cost

Time, o time why u are my biggest competitor
fighting with you never makes me feel better
because don't understand why i m alwayz a looser
still the rigor makes me smile irrespective of rigour

Mind, identity and time m exonerated by d Resurrection
because I m too tired to search in between d barb
i know somewhere beneath it lies my redemption
this only restrict me to end up this crap.

Why I don't have any Girlfriend

"Why I don't have any Girlfriend". At one point or another every male has asked this question to himself in his life, and i am not at all different. Like others i also try to reason my way through the dilemma nonetheless, often reaching a series of ridiculous explanations, each more self-deprecating than the last. I just try to count lots of ugly stuffs inside me and when all the plausible explanations have been discounted, I fall back on the time-honoured conclusion that "there must be Something Wrong within me" before resigning myself into lives of perpetual chastity. And just before the crescendo I start smiling because i know i have got the answer....;)


Ever since my child hood was over i was being bombarded by a series of hackneyed statements from my elders, relatives, family members etc which ultimately points towards the fact "Stay away from girls". Four times i had changed my place and every time, every1 concerned to me seems very concerned towards whether I do have any girlfriends or not, One of the friend of my cousin who was a professional palmist told me that bacchu u seems to be prty lucky with girls and asked me "How many girlfriends u have???" And you know what these all concern made me think about these things which i seldom had thought ever. Because it is something which alwayz was very irrelevant to me. As a despo (hey i was only 16 that time), once i asked my cousin bro"hey bhaiya is there any secret of getting a girl,i need a girlfriend badly". He told do one thing go to archies gallery, purchase a friendship card and go infront of Patna College and try to give it to any girl, the one who will accept it would be ur girlfriend. I never knew he was joking, and can u believe it i did the same..!!! and i dunno think it would be suitable here to explain what type of retribution i went through that day. Once my uncle(father of tht idea giver bro) was blurting that look kiddy thr was a boy who got killed just because he was in love with a girl. He was grand son of Chief justice of India. Moral of the story was STAY AWAY FROM GIRLSS... That was at the time of Grads. One of my friend used to tell me tht "1 thing is for sure u wud never hav any girl". That time i thought bad people's curse never hits u..but alas..!!

Often people ask me why u don't have any girlfriends and like the tranquility of a smug i use to give a stereotyped answer "the girl whom i want, don't want to want me and those who want me, nobody wants to want them". From few i got some severe rebuke like according to one of my friend "u are an inane impostor having impious towards damsels if there would be crests and trough of emotions then that place is grabbed by attitude and patience; so better forget about girls, you will never have any".

Yeah may be they are right I dunno deserve any girlfriends of many xyz reasons. But everytime one perverse question gibe with my mind " Is it really necessary to have any girlfriends??" If the answer is yes then why it is so....After so called doing research and so much of critical thing i came on some eminent conclusions.
1. Overflowing of Adrenalin Gland
2. For show off
3. For time pass
4. For having give and take relationship
5. and lot more in short for mutual satisfaction
.....but naysayers defend it by saying essential desire of people is being loved by some1, and no1 can love u more sophistic-ally than ur girlfriend....and thats what i call a deep BULLSHIT.

For me love is something which in 90% of cases can not be provided by any type of girlfriend. Isn't weird that people who claim that they know the meaning of true love hates the entire world , they are the one who are filled by envy, hatred and back bitching. Are yaar how can one say that he/she is in love if he have all those negative attributes. Even I dunno understand that how come love brings us pain as it one of the three sutras to get the god. Pain is brooded by selfishness, believe it or not but that's true. And one final thing that every types of love are same be it of mother, father, god, sister or any girlfriend. We should not brew it with our masalas and bifurcate it into types.

Now why i don't have any girlfriend..!! See how screwed my ideas are. and the most appropriate answer of it would be........(please don't laugh) May Be My Life Partner's Prayer is Working...;)


When I was desperate
People told me
u don't have cellphone
and I smiled

When I got cell phone
People told me
u don't have bike
and I smiled

When I got bike
People told me
U don't study in a college
and I smiled

When I started studying in college
people told me
U don't have laptop
and I smiled

When I got laptop
People told me
U don't have Job
and I smiled

When I wud get a job
people would tell me
ur time has got over,
concentrate on ur career
let your parents put the barrier
and for sure i will smile..........:)

All of a sudden felt a knock...

All of a sudden felt a knock...
was like some1 poofed an old dusty rock...

It was like a pearl thrown into a placid lake, which was deserted by me and was locked in one corner of my mind. The waves of the tear shook me for a while, was amazed to them which were set free for a while. The Shock was such it took me back to the flashback which was full of sweet and bitter memories. Just in two minutes I saw my 15 years of blind faith. Every time this pearl cause increase in the volume of lake but this time... was just standing on the shore like an unperturbed soul, I asked placidly why u are behaving as such; returned the voice “O killer! Ask yourself in a sacrosanct manner and u ll get the answer”. Killer.. I thought for a while, when my faith is alive, how can i kill that. But I due accept that my mind lost its fidelity towards it, but that doesn’t prove that I am a killer. After 15 years of continuous worship when my god changed its colour, my expertise as an iconoclast makes that situation as bad as hell.

Whenever I try to think why it happened, how it happened, when it happened I don’t find any answer because the pit created between our hearts turns out to be a chasm. I used to say if u come one step closer I will surely come two step closer, but unfortunately he didn’t get what was the implicit statement which unfortunately means go one step far I will double the same.
People envied our relationship and i often come across to statements like “these two are tuned on the same notes”. It was amazing to hear statements like “what kind of love is this” from our very own dear ones. I used to cherish those moments spent together; sometimes I cry furiously sometimes I used to laugh like anything.

But, Yes today there is nothing I feel. Whenever something disturbs that placid lake indeed for sometimes i feel the wave but... unfortunately this doesn’t steer my emotions. I just remember those times but neither it gives me happiness nor feeling of pensive sadness.. Maybe my voice was right. I am a Killer to be more specific a stoic Killer. Just because of this it is very easy for me to Kill any kind emotions......

Finally I met the Sea....

This was the 1st time I visited any Sea kinda stuff...must tell u it was majestic. Arabian sea was making me numb as it was a time of high tide and my heart, mind and so called soul stirred whatever conception i had.



Brackish water were kissing my feet as i thanked the universe for this rendezvous. Suddenly, i felt my feet was going down in the soil, it was scary enough to shiver my spines. I was constantly changing my positions because of the thought of getting swallowed by this giant. 'Gaint' , yeah!! a thing of great size, ability, courage which can destroy our entire so called civilization where we civilized people think we can tame anything. Then all of a sudden i sensed some murmur around me, looked desperately at mirth imbued people but found nothing, exactly at that time a wave hit me as she was saying itz me u idiot, all i want to say is go back this is not a place to enjoy, we are the killers and just waiting for a slight signal from the universe and we will eat you all. My mind was getting perplexed at this inscrutable situation. I thought she is making sense still people are enjoying, they don't know even why they are doing so, perhaps romanticizing things. So i concluded that we people are like an ant who irrespective of her small size doesn't care about the massive things present in this world which can cause her death, even if it causes nobody cares nor they take any lessons.

Just then an another frivolous wave hit me, i asked who you are and the reply was an another hit, this time bit hard. On careful empirical observation i found that every waves were rolling towards the shore kissing the embankment and sweetly submitting her existence to the sea or in other words sea was obliterating all its wave and with that water only it was generating some other wave whose fate was the same as of their previous versions. I smiled because that was nothing but LIFE..!! Undoubtedly, we are like a wave. No one cares its existence. Many came and went the shore is the same, the sea is the same and the sun is also the same. Ultimately we have to meet our source who had sent us to taste, enjoy and feel the shore. Some do succeed, some get sucked up in between due to lack of driving force and some are superimposed or killed by the stronger ones but the fate of all are the same, either they want or not they have to hug their source at last. And then they are returned to the shore in some other form. One more protocol was proved there that nothing is permanent except change.


Last thing what I inferred while skimming the entire sea at a time was the fact that woman and sea are same in many respect. Both are deep in their emotions, both have lots of nuggets inside their hearts, both have got the blessings to create new things.

I was standing alone thinking all these weird things, people were smiling probably thinking that this weirdo seems different. I was also doing the same thinking they all are the same. There was smile on everyone's face including mine. That day i learnt "life is all about celebration" . We should celebrate everything doesn't matter if it is death...................

miss you...

.....few people came in ur life and just go like that.....
but they leave an aroma behind which forever lasts....
Doesn't matter whether u talked or shared much feelings....
but their presence only can do loads of healing....
itz strange that it hurts a lot while they leave....
still u r not able to the emotions the love in which u alwayz had believe...
u fight wid ur inner-selves why this separation pains...
but deep down inside u know that humans are alwayz in chains...