"Crafting an Effective Writer: Tools of the Trade" - My final Paragraph Assessment Detail

Your grade is 88, which is simply the grade you received from your peers. See below for details.

Topic #3

Identify and describe at least three (3) ways a person, male and/or female, is recognized as an adult in your culture.

Adult in any society is recognized primarily by his biological and legal characterization, but in India, a land of diverse and ancient culture, adulthood primarily deals with maturity. An adult is someone who knows the art of living. According to many ancient book of oriental wisdom, an adult(man/woman) is recognized by three ways viz. thought, deeds and voice.

The most easiest way to recognize an adult is through his voice, because it is the easiest projection of one's self. There are three types of voice viz. soft, harsh and normal. Soft and harsh voice are at extremes, while those having soft voice could be recognized as an adult depending on its gravity, people having harsh voice are often not treated as adults because it signifies lack of maturity. As far as normal voice is concerned it lies somewhere in between soft and harsh voice. The voice which hurts nobody is a normal voice. Those who know when to modulate their tone according to the circumstances keeping in view of thers feelings are generally recognized as adult. 

Second most important trait of a man is his deeds or Karma. Deeds are often bifurcated as good deed or bad deed. Philosophically speaking, it is very difficult to bifurcate between a good deed or a bad deed. Depending on the viewpoint, good deed can be bad deed for some one and vice-versa is always true. Good deed is something whose repercussions doesn't harm anyone and bad deed is something whose repercussions always harm someone. Those persons who continuously strive to do good are considered as adults.

Thirdly, the most complex one, thought. Thought is something which determines the genuinity of a person. A good thought can never harm someone and is never against someone, that's according to Mahatma Gandhi is true form of non violence. A person having good thought is indubitably an adult because it is reflected by his behavior and all the above two, voice and deeds respectively are automatically the highest. As far as bad thought is concerned, it is related to immature person who lacks true wisdom, he/she may be biologically or legally adult but in his own just eyes he is never an adult. The good thought and bad thought can be considered as selfless thought and selfish thought respectively, and orient culture never acknowledges a selfish person an adult.

The person, be it male or female, whose voice, deed and thought are good, that person in real sense is an adult. In true sense adult is someone who is wise enough to check his thoughts, just enough to check his deeds, rational enough to control his voice and enlightened enough to know the art of living.

Evaluation/feedback on the above work

Note: this section can only be filled out during the evaluation phase.

Addresses Assignment:

Score from your peers: 10

Topic Sentence:

Score from your peers: 10

Organization:

Score from your peers: 5

Unity:

Score from your peers: 5

Transitions:

Score from your peers: 5

Specific Details:

Score from your peers: 10

Concluding Sentence:

Score from your peers: 10

Sentence Variety:

Score from your peers: 10

Style:

Score from your peers: 10

Spelling/Homophones:

Score from your peers: 4

Verb Forms:

Score from your peers: 4

Capitalization:

Score from your peers: 3

Punctuation:

Score from your peers: 2

Overall evaluation/feedback

peer 1 → i am also an indian and i loved reading it.

peer 2 → The paragraphs convey a lot of great ideas. It is indeed a very well-written article, if I may call it so. All that is missing, are a few finishing touches here and there. Otherwise, great work!

peer 3 → My friend, this is really an eye-opening writing; I'm deeply impressed by the India version of "what being an adult mean", you are a people of great wisdom and benevolence. Besides, I would like to inform you that your writing is in want of conjunctions and pronouns in certain places.

peer 4 → The phrase " that's according to Mahatma Gandhi is true form of non violence" it is either " that's according to Mahatma Gandhi it is the true form of non violence" or " that's according to Mahatma Gandhi it is a true form of non violence". The phrase "The most easiest to recognize an adult" is grammatically incorrect it is either "The most easier" or "The easiest".